I have a confession to make. I lose things all the time. People who knew me
long enough knows me. I am a guy who drives out to shopping mall ending up with
the parking ticket gone missing. The one who day dream even people are talking
to me. The one who hide stuffs in the house and at the end forget where I hide
it and worst forgot what I had hid.
By now I've even lost track of how many things I've lost. I'd like to blame
it on the fact I am a busy guy. Or pretend it's the stress of so many things
came up to me. Plus I've got added responsibilities that come with my so call
tight schedules.
If you got to know me, you'd never guess I'm so absent-minded. Many times
people been advising me that I need a strategy for coping with such
forgetfulness but I came to realized that actually I don't need one. I would go
gaga when my stuffs went missing and when I got fed up I won't look for it
anymore. My philosophy is very simple. My theory is, I guess many of you'll
have the same experience that those missing stuffs will turn up the minute you
stop searching for it.
Wallet, keys, thumb drive, member's cards, books, papers, documents,
tickets, you name it. I've lost those. Most of the times these items resurfaced
or maybe in Chinese they called it, "ghost blocked your eyes." It
took as long as few weeks, months or even years but still, I found most of these
things that I lost.
Until the day it didn't. That was the day I lost something and couldn't find
it again.
I lost my happiness or in short, joy.
As usual, I waited a while for it to return. But as weeks passed, I began to
get depressed. I wondered how long it would be before I felt happy again. To me
everything was dull, no more exciting stuff and all I got was anxiety.
As weeks turned into months, I struggled to ignore the depression that was
bearing down and suffocating me, I knew it was one of those temporarily feeling
of losing someone and something important but it was almost a year now.
Exercise, movies, nice food, trip to my doctor wasn't helping my hefty heart.
Given that I used to look forward to each new day, this change was a hard pill
to swallow.
I tried to shake off those sad thought and misery hoping all these would lift
and the burden eased. After all, I guess everyone has bad days now and then. In
the meantime, I spent a lot of time sitting on the chair staring the wall or
laying on the bed staring at the ceiling recalling those happy moments while
the time pass just like that.
I had to do something, so I did and went out in search of what I'd lost.
I started to by closing my eyes and praying for joy. Only then did I begin
to see where it had been hiding. I first spotted it in the pages of my book
where I bought it long ago where I toss aside. Then later, I found it more by
praying every single day and even more when I started to believe in something
that I think it will not come true. And this is my new theory that I
found.
The fog did lift in a way that can see some clear blue spot from the sky.
After that, when I learned how to say no, the clouds cleared and the sun almost
out. I must try to let go of the smaller things to gain much greater
things.
Little by little, it came back. Joy, contentment, relieve and grateful
heart. Of course, I still lose things all the time. Just the other day I lost
something again. I still use my old theory and say with a shrug, "If that thing
is mine, it will either come back to me or it will resurface."
But sometimes, I use my new theory too on something more important. I search
with my eyes shut and pray.
Because if it's something meant to be mine, I know the will's will bring it
back to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment