I never thought I will move back to the same old place after I been living in Petaling Jaya for 7 years. In fact, all through my 7 years, I told myself that moving from the busy city of PJ back into my previous place where I stayed in was really out of question.
The reason I applied for jobs around KL is that it's easier for me to travel around the place I stay and my office. I poured years into adapting PJ environment and I really love this place. I tried to made PJ as my permanent staying place but ultimately everything turned into ashes as problems started to poured in just passed April this year.
Refusing to dwell on my disappointment, I tried many ways giving excuses not to move back in there but everything keep forcing me to do so and eventually god has better plan for me.
It was now September. Everything seem from so hard into slightly better for now after the disaster kick-start on April spit me into desperation, anxiety, depression, health deterioration and worst paranoid of being left alone. Everything seem comes all the sudden out of nowhere and makes me dunno how to deals with these problems. To some, my problems looks small and silly but to me it was huge. Weeks after weeks, the will to battle it all make me really tired and I can tell you, you don want to fall into such despair dark and gloomy stage.
After a few weeks of wallowing, one fine evening while I am online searching to find some suitable quotes to post on FB, I came across this quote: "Make each day your masterpiece." I dunno why this particular sentence make me stop and think of it. All of the sudden I realized that I didn't have to be living in desperation out of someone or something that make my life miserable. I told myself I want to make my everyday a masterpiece. I taped the quote on my desk and I remind myself to get something to make it happen.
But then what did a masterpiece has to be? I pondered this question. Then I went online to search and found out that this little masterpiece doesn't limit to anything. As long as it fit into us and gives us a sign of satisfaction at the end of the day. Some of the things are like time spent on exercising, taking care of ourselves, volunteering helping others, doing something we likes, eating something we likes and something makes us happy.
I used this knowledge to organize myself since then.
I shifted my mindset and began to see my time at home being ALONE as a gift for myself this I was able to watch my favorite movies, listen to my favorite music, having no one to give you dark faces and ignoring me all the time. My role in a house no longer felt so hostile with all the me-being-second feeling and living under others shadow. Even though, I never regretted about it but as for now, I try to get used of having self-oriented environment and make myself to understand the bliss of having able to live for another day the most precious gift given to me.
Previously, I often been too busy or stressed for no reason and this really make me no time to take good care of myself like to cook healthy meals or exercising very much. Now that I able to focused in making each day a masterpiece, I carved out my time to mainly to care on my health, my lovely family members and friends around that always there to care for me and most important to get back my own spirituality and faith to religion.
I began waking up early in the morning doing some light exercise due to my heart problem. Then I prepare and bought and make myself some healthy food everyday. Trying to smile even more even I am born with a dark-face expression and start practising the power of now. Another very useful method to secure inner peace whenever you're having stress and anxiety.
If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.
I managed to visits many places I liked. I even managed to do what I loves and likes. Within few days I felt stronger and more energized that I had in years. My time spend on myself became my treasured time to think and stay in touch with my inner self.
Some days weren't as balanced and goes as balanced and smooth as always. Tasks and problems still popped up unexpectedly. Not every day is a good day. But this is what enable us to create our own masterpiece in a more beautiful and meaningful way. But no matter how hard the day planned for me by above, as I lay in bed each night, reflecting on the day, I felt a deep sense of contentment and pride in myself. After all the hardship and misfortune spitted on me from April till early now, I really believe that "things really happen for a reason.' Looking back, having someone not appreciating yourself make me love myself even more. Moving back home is not a bad thing but perhaps is the best thing I could have done. I can spend some qualities times with those who really deserve to be cared and loves where I been neglecting all those years.
Now, I am prepared for what will happen for today, I feel focused, happier with who I am.
I was not a failure nor sad case. In fact I never had been. I didn't achive something doesn't mean I failed. I didn't manage to get the things I want doesn't mean I am a loser. I realize that now my negative mindset is what held me back more than anything. My happiness is not dependent on what other people asked me to do, wanted me to do or expect me to do. Some said that ignorance is rude but to me ignorance is bliss. The less I know the happier I become. Don't get me wrong. I care people more than I care myself just that sometimes, love yourself more before other that only you're fit to help other. My life is now much more happier when I am living by my motto and making each day a masterpiece.
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